"Luxury Apartments"...Whatever!!

The wife and I sold our home in July, 2007 for a couple of reasons. First, because the neighborhood appeared to be in the first stage of serious decline ("For Rent" signs everywhere). Second, because an "affordable housing" apartment complex was about to be built on the next street. Third, because we wanted to pay off our debt.

So, we started apartment hunting; what a miserable task. But, after one or two weekends, we found some apartments that we actually liked. They're only a few years old, they're in the area we want to live, they're not outrageously expensive, and the front-office personnel seemed to be a little better than the run-of-the-mill knuckle-draggers that you usually encounter.

You see, these apartments are "luxury apartments". Fenced property with a security gate and everything and the assurance that every single vehicle that entered the property would be photographed! Whoa...(Insert sarcastic remark)... We actually looked forward to moving in.

Our love-affair with these "luxury apartments" lasted exactly two days, when the sound of our upstairs neighbor's footsteps began to really irritate us. His floorboards (our ceiling) creak with every step. Not only that, but we can hear his phone ringing. We can hear him taking a piss. We can hear him vacuuming. So, as revenge, we have nauseatingly loud sex. Hah-hah! Hope that creeps him out.

Next, someone smashed the security gate, which in reality is nothing more than a two-by-four painted white. It stayed broken for about a month before being repaired. Less than a week later, someone smashed it again.

This routine has been repeated several times over the last year. Sometimes someone smashes the gate, and sometimes they just break and stay in the "up" position.

When combined with our upstairs neighbor, the constant shortage of parking spots, and the propensity of both our refrigerator and our dishwasher to suddenly, unexpectedly dump several gallons of water into the kitchen floor, it's not hard to conclude that "luxury apartments" are no different than regular old dumpy apartments.

Whoever invented apartments should be punched in the throat...