Alrighty. Here I am at work, in my office with the door open. My coworker is at her desk, and I hear her talking to Mumbles. Those of you who have read some of my previous posts know exactly who Mumbles is...
The conversation slowly morphs from the upcoming election to caring for the elderly. As some of you are aware, Mumbles is nearly 65 years old and is scheduled to retire next May. He is also an ex-police officer who loves nothing more than the sound of his own voice as he regales whoever is in earshot with tales of his "policing" back in the 1960's during the civil rights movement when he spent countless nights exhausting himself from swinging his night stick at the skulls of "suspected marijuana users"...
Anyway, Mumbles is talking with my coworker, and they're having a ball. Then comes a knock at the back door. Mumbles finishes his statement with a guffaw and, as he stands to go answer the back door, he...
...well, he rips one, if you know what I mean. *Skwooomp* Yep, he floated an air biscuit loud enough for me to hear it from fifteen feet away! Initially, I wasn't sure if I had heard what I thought I'd heard.
So, to get some sort of confirmation, I emailed my coworker and asked her if Mumbles had just farted. She confirmed that he had, in fact, tooted his ass-horn. What we couldn't figure out, though, was why he didn't say, "Excuse me", or "Oops", or something of that nature. At first I just assumed that, due to his pompous personality, he didn't give a rats ass about what he'd just done.
But then I had an epiphany. He is 65, after all, right? I think my coworker and I witnessed Mumbles' very first Phantom Senior Citizen Poot. You know exactly what I'm talking about, don't ya? The sound of a poot slams into your ear drums, causing you to spin around and search for the source, and there he is: Salt and pepper gray hair, slightly stooped posture, sans-a-belt slacks, and a cardigan. No one else in sight. "But this dude never broke stride!", you say to yourself. That's right. He gave you a taste of the Phantom Senior Citizen Poot.
It's a rare occurrence among the younger elderly so, if you ever catch one, like me and my coworker caught today, consider yourself lucky. I rank a personal Phantom Senior Citizen Poot experience right up there with sightings of Bigfoot, UFOs and Elvis. That's how rare they are...
I'm a lucky guy...
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4 comments:
So is that your birthday present today?!? Hahaha! That's hysterical. I've never heard of the Phantom Senior Citizen Poot!
Unfortunately, I suppose this answers my question :(
I'm so glad I got to experience the "Phantom Senior Citizen Poot" up close and personal. At least you were 15 feet away. :-S
I still have the giggles over that.
they DO exist! I watch all those documentaries on Discovery Channel but no one has ever been an ear witness to them. WOW! I am so lucky to be married to you!
That was probably one of the funniest things I have read in a LONG time! I am still laughing while typing this because I had a grandmother who would do the walking farts. Start and around 10 feet later it stopped. Sometimes it was one long one, other times it was the plop plop plop plop . . . each with step! LOL!
Oh I needed this post today! LOL!
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